self sagas, pt ii
“God’s gonna trouble the waters...”
Negro Spiritual
selfwaters roil are troubled still development’s
disquietude churning maelstrom -- somatic process
simpleselfsense primitivepercept instinctimpulse
involuntary urge/discharge wet domain of the
child god typhon/set sonambulent ego generalized
bodyfeeling who fitfully dreams scourges the soul
with whiplike tail stirring up sediment leaving
nothing settled or unchanged changing as well from
limbic reptilian to linguistic selfsense
beginning with a word then simple phrase a
soundsymbol connection a bridge ‘twix primary and
secondary process ‘tween parataxic & syntaxic
beingness a chorus of cultural voices teach the
ego to speak to belong with simple words & phrases
to relate & order symbols & referents speech
& action subject & object according to culturally
predestined logic & context to construct out of simple
words & phrases out of autistic & narcissitic
language a rudimentary timesense a tensed &
tenuous selfsense freed from a dark myopic present
the eye of the self separates isolates looks upon
mortality & is afraid i want my mommy/daddy...
it cries instinctively invoking the magic of fear
summoning the voices of ancestors –
no necromancy this, no fervid conjuring of the
dead but introjected injunctions prohibitions &
suggestions of flesh and blood parents whose
compelling voices feelings attitudes & thoughts
join other real or imagined person notions in the
contextcore of this young & uncertain thoughtself –
this relatively direct or indirect object of verb &
preposition -- much more now & who asks now
who am i...& later ...am i that i am
© Joseph McNair; 2009
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