touched by a goddess (29)

touched by a goddess

now it begins…

unless it doesn’t?

truths have finally been spoken, not in playful flirtations
or blown kisses with a “put that where u want it” wink or
in liquid bedroom eyes that beckon & promise, but in a
long probing conversation made all the more poignant by
trying to get the words out around hearts in our mouths.
in hours that seemed like minutes we talked of auguries
cast, numbers read, star charts delineated & consulted.
secrets were told & vetted, ghosts of old lovers in the
background given faces & names, names & faces.
u thought i needed to know about yr last one, a younger,
(more sinister?) version of myself. “i’ve moved on,”
u said, “at least in my mind.but i’m still a bit confused.”
(a pregnant pause seemed to lobby for time.)
i ignored the cold iron twisting knot in my belly & told
u about my yearlong “through with love” cloister &
short-lived warm-up before dating again – a whimsical,
half-hearted dalliance with a beautiful thirtysomething...
(i left unsaid the rest, hoping the silence would convey
what i dared not say)

& so it begins…

unless it doesn’t?

i’ve been touched by the goddess & the closer i get to
her, the less i reason & argue. i must wait, now, & listen
with ears, heart & soul. i must cultivate patience, for i
know that when i receive the goddess, this one or some
other, then all disturbing sounds – all reasoning & disputing;
all the unsettling noises that fear & loneliness make –
soften, get quiet & retreat.

©Joseph McNair; 2009